Ground Rule #2 for Brave Spaces: Own Intent & Impact
We too often value our intent over the impact we have on others. It is a dominant mindset and practice in the U.S., especially regarding inclusion and equity commitments.
Intent is what you mean to communicate.
Impact is how another person receives your communication.
Have you noticed that when people are brave enough to name an experience of sexism, racism, or other isms, we often respond by sharing our intent? It can sound like:
But I meant well!
I didn’t mean it that way.
I tried to get your pronouns right.
You know I’m not racist, right?
I have a gay brother, cousin, etc.
But I have a Black friend (family member, neighbor, or childhood friend)
When you find yourself in this position, wanting to justify your good intent, here are a few tips:
Listen to the person describing the impact. (Rather than explaining your intent.)
Honor what this person is telling you. (Rather than emphasizing what you meant)
Acknowledge the impact. (Rather than minimizing it)
This is Part 2 of a 5 Part series unpacking the concept of Brave Spaces. Learn more here: What Do You Mean Brave Spaces? I Want Safety! and here: Ground Rule #1: Controversy with Civility.
Brave Space Ground Rule #2: Don’t take things personally. Own intentions and impacts. Learners acknowledge and discuss instances where dialogue has affected the emotional well-being of another person (Arao and Clemens, 2013).
When we own our intent and impact, we hold ourselves accountable for the impact of our words/actions on other people, regardless of intention. In brave spaces, we are open to noticing this, naming it, and discussing it in a group.
I believe most people are convinced that their intent is good. Let’s build from that.
How have you reacted when someone called you in (instead of calling you out) by naming the misalignment of your impact and your intent?
How might you practice prioritizing your impact over your intent?
In a world where the harmful and violent impact of racism, sexism, transphobia, etc., are so evident around us from our neighborhoods, board rooms, and legislatures, we can and must do better. This takes commitment and practice.
Don’t give up on yourself and your ability to learn and grow in building brave spaces toward inclusion and liberation.
Fellow leaders and learners, I wish you courage and joy on the journey.