Let’s be honest, conflict isn’t the enemy. But we don't often know how to engage in healthy conflict.
You know that awkward moment in a meeting when tension thickens the air, and everyone suddenly finds their coffee very interesting? Yeah, that one. We’ve been taught to dodge conflict like it’s a grenade, or jump right in to fight...and win, but what if conflict is actually a doorway? A doorway to deeper trust, braver leadership, and systems rooted in justice, not just comfort.
In this post, we’re exploring five methods for engaging conflict with courage—not to win, but to connect. These aren’t fluffy tools. They’re rooted in equity, emotional intelligence, and the belief that conflict, when handled with care, can actually be a bridge to connection and healing.
Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of any relationship or organization. When approached with intention and courage, conflict can be a gateway to deeper trust, innovation, and justice. However, unaddressed or mishandled conflict often leads to disconnection, resentment, and systemic harm. Below are short summaries providing five evidence-informed methods for engaging in healthy, courageous conflict, rooted in principles of equity, emotional intelligence, and relational connection.
Nonviolent Communication's purpose is to promote empathy, clarity, and accountability in moments of tension. (Rosenberg, 2003)
Observe without judgment – Name what is happening, without labeling or blaming.
Identify feelings – Acknowledge your own emotions.
Identify needs – Reflect on the unmet needs behind those feelings.
Make a request – Ask for specific actions that might meet those needs.
Practicing self-connection before speaking.
Using "I" statements to reduce defensiveness.
Avoiding diagnosing or moralistic judgment.
Brave Space guidelines offer an alternative to "safe space" by emphasizing courage, accountability, and growth (Arao & Clemens, 2013)
Steps to Engage using Brave Space guidelines:
Expect discomfort – Understand that conflict is part of learning and justice.
Speak your truth – Share your lived experience while being open to others’.
Own your impact – Take responsibility when your words or actions cause harm, regardless of intent.
Stay in the room – Resist withdrawing or avoiding tension.
Are ideal for equity and anti-oppression conversations.
Encourage resilience and collective care.
Can be co-created as ground rules in teams or workshops.
Circle processes facilitate relational healing and collective problem-solving, and were developed by various Indigenous traditions, adapted by Kay Pranis and others. (Pranis, K., 2005).
Create a talking piece – Use a physical object to ensure turn-taking and listening.
Establish shared agreements – Include confidentiality, no interrupting, and speaking from the heart.
Use guiding questions – Invite participants to reflect on values, harm, and accountability.
Move toward repair – Center shared solutions and reintegration.
Promote equality and slows down urgency.
Can be effective in almost any setting.
Support trauma-informed facilitation.
The Conflict Transformation Model's purpose is to change the culture and relationship patterns beneath conflict. (Lederach, J.P., 2003).
View conflict as opportunity – Reframe from seeing it as a problem to solve.
Name the underlying patterns – Look beyond the immediate issue to systemic or relational dynamics.
Map relationships and power – Identify who is affected, who holds power, and who is excluded.
Build constructive change – Co-create new norms, agreements, and restorative practices.
Moves beyond resolution into transformation.
Is useful in long-term organizational change and justice efforts.
Values truth-telling and cultural healing.
The "Dare to Lead" Rumbling Approach builds capacity for honest, emotionally intelligent leadership in conflict. (Brown, B., 2018).
Name the "rumble" – Acknowledge the need for a brave, real conversation.
Check assumptions – Use the prompt: “The story I’m telling myself is…”
Lean into vulnerability – Acknowledge fears or uncertainties openly.
Debrief and learn – Use reflection to build team resilience and clarity.
Integrates emotional literacy with organizational culture.
Ideal for team leadership and feedback loops.
Encourages feedback with empathy and accountability.
Healthy conflict isn't easy; it requires courage, clarity, and compassion.
Which tools, methods, or practices have helped you practice healthy conflict?
I hope these five approaches offer tools for navigating tension constructively as we are navigating relationally complex environments and change processes. Organizations and leaders that invest in these skills create more just, innovative, and connected communities.
Hooks, B. (2000). All About Love – For a foundational understanding of love as a practice in justice and conflict.
Menakem, R. (2017). My Grandmother's Hands – For somatic awareness and healing from racialized trauma in conflict.
Wheatley, M. (2002). Turning to One Another – On the power of conversation in change-making.