The Magic of Listening

True confession: I can jump too quickly to solutions. Sound familiar? Business moves fast. Nonprofits quickly pivot based on new challenges. Leaders solve problems. We’re told decisiveness is strength. 

Listening is hard, ya’ll. 

• What if we paused, to truly listen to each other?
• What if we asked a question of curiosity or inquiry before presuming?
• What if we embraced more complexity?
• What if we listened with humility and inquiry?

In my twenties, as a School Improvement Consultant, I experienced intense imposter syndrome because I thought consultants always had to have all of the answers. Upon learning about, and joining, the Society for Process Consulting, I’ve become increasingly dedicated to the practice of listening, instead of trying to jump in and solve problems immediately.

I quickly learned that listening with humble inquiry was like magic.

Edgar H. Schein shares in his book “Helping” that humble inquiry is “paradoxical because it is absurdly simple to name and describe, but incredibly difficult to do reliably.” He goes on to describe four forms of humble inquiry: pure inquiry, diagnostic inquiry, confrontational inquiry and process-oriented inquiry. I love this model and his illustrations of humble inquiry in leadership.

Consider a time you didn’t feel heard…

Now think of a time that a friend or colleague really listened to you, showed curiosity, asked questions to deeply understand, trusted you to solve the challenge you face, and dug more deeply to better understand the problem at hand. Now how did that feel in comparison?

How do you intentionally listen?

When we listen more, we understand more deeply. This leads to more trust, increased thoughtfulness, and better solutions. In our practice as process consultants at Design Group International, we work to listen, help and learn alongside leaders and teams to bring about the transformation they seek. We commit to listening in these ways:

We start by asking deeper questions to clarify the desired outcome and uncover adaptive challenges the leaders or teams want to address which will foster transformation. We co-create a process that aligns with their most important goals to move the organization forward.

I’m pretty jazzed about how listening, helping and learning supports leaders and teams to transform, and I see it transforming leaders, teams and change-agents as well. Listening, helping and learning also impact my own learning and growth as a human, a leader and a consultant. Listening opens our minds wide open to creative possibilities, helps us realize incorrect assumptions we may be holding, and reinforces connectedness to other humans with whom we share space.

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” -David W. Augsburger

Are you willing to practice? 

When your reaction is defensiveness when someone names an ism, listen.
When you think the other person is so too different from you, listen.
When you feel attacked because you think the person hates white people, listen.
When a staff member raises an issue of racism, listen.
When team members tell you about queer exclusion or transphobia, listen.
When you want to jump in with all the reasons that they're wrong, listen.
When you think that person knows nothing about you and is judging you, listen.
When you think your solution is the best, listen.

I believe in abundance, centered on the liberation of the most marginalized. I have to remind myself daily to listen.

It's living out faith.
It's demonstrating hope.
It's love in action.

When I've listened, I've never been disappointed; I've always learned.

Listening is like a muscle; it takes practice. Humble inquiry provides tools and tips to understand and practice. When we feel the push to solve, answer and critique, how might we practice listening to better understand the problem we're trying to solve, and the people trying to solve it with us?

Fellow leaders and learners, I wish you courage and resilience for the journey.

Peace to you,

What I’m Reading & Watching
Regarding This Topic:

• Society for Process Consulting
• Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling by Edgar H. Schein

Questions for Consideration
Regarding This Topic:

• How might you employ the process consulting skill of listening to better understand the problem you’re trying to solve, and the people trying to solve it with you?
• How do you intentionally listen with humble inquiry?
• When is it the most challenging for you to listen?
• What are the messages you see and hear that minimize the importance of listening?